As perfect as a paring of wine and cheese, is the pairing of this tale with yesterday’s tale. It’s a cheese-a-pa-looza…

Today’s Word:

mephitical

As in:

Tempers flared at the 1st annual meeting of turophiles and dairy farmers which was held this week at the National Cheese Emporium. The conference members were more than put out given the fact that, despite its name, there was not one scrap of cheese to be found in the shop. Worse, the meeting was disrupted by a swarm of protesters from various anti-cheese factions. Among those factions were the lactose-intolerant, the intolerant of those who are lactose intolerant, the Haters of Mephitical Cheeses (who were fighting against the production of Limburger Cheese)and the Disciples of the First Church of Easy Cheese.

The First Church of Easy Cheese which was trying to force the turophiles to recognize Easy Cheese and other pasteurized processed cheese foods as true members of the cheese family. This unorthodox religious group, whose preferred Cheese of Ease, that which can be squirted from a can, was formed to honor the product they insist is a tool of enlightenment. According to the holy writ of the sect, the product is believed to induce prophesy and has hallucinatory properties when unhealthy quantities of the stuff is consumed in a short period of time.

Also present were members of the Inalienable Rights of Cheese Food, a powerful lobby. This group was asserting its manifesto, which insists that cheese food is and intelligent, independent organism. As an intelligent species, cheese food is deserving of the right to live as a free species, and should not be seen merely as the staple that one feeds to one’s cheese.  Intelligent beings, they proclaim, should not be fodder for any species, much less an non-intelligent life-form.

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I suppose most people aren’t aware that cheese was such a controversial subject, so I am glad to bring these issues to any who are unaware of the nuances of fermented curd.

mephitical / meh – FEH – tick – al / : stinking; noxious.

I’m having thoughts, and schemes, and also various layers of exhaustion. It’s ok, it’s not you, it’s me.  It might be best for me to pull over and stop this intro before the delirium becomes strangely contagious and you don’t want to read about…

Today’s Word:

turophile

As in:

The young turophile walked into the tiny Italian restaurant. A lovely aroma filled the air, and the young man was filled with the hope that this restaurant, tiny though it was, would be the one that fulfilled his culinary ambitions. He cautiously strode to an empty table in a corner of the dimly lit room, fully aware that as promising as this restaurant seemed from the outside, one simple test remained, and failure meant instant disappointment. And then it came, as he hurriedly scanned the menu, ignoring the flowing script and elegant speech. Alas, this lovely menu proclaimed to all his deepest fears and deflated his hopes in an instant: The seven-cheese lasagna included mozzarella. Devastated, the man cried in disdain, giving voice to the pain which understood by all turophiles.

“Mozzarella?! Mozzarella???!!!!!!! Mozzarella is not a CHEESE! Mozzarella is merely a lactic fermentation!”

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Short, and tangy. Or something.

turophile / TUR – o – file / a connoisseur of cheese : a cheese fancier