This is the first story in weeks for which I had a real idea before I sat down to write it. I hope that it is a sign of things to come. I wish you all a wonderful Memorial Day weekend. I am only asking that I can get what I need to get done done, and that there is some sleep in that proposition somewhere.
As NBC continues to struggle to gain momentum in the ratings, and their most recent experiment to have the Jay Leno show before the news failed, the network’s executives today announced that they have decided to have the Today show run all day, excepting their regular news broadcasts.
To accomplish this exigent feat, NBC is revealing that they have managed to clone their morning team, and will be using the clones in sifts to cover the additional broadcast hours.
The clones of Matt Lauer, Meredith Viera, and Al Roker, are even conveniently matured to 10 years younger than their original counterparts, are a miracle of current science. Apart for the younger chronological age, they are identical to their parents.
NBC, however, is not revealing the secret cloning techniques used to create the team new sets of hosts, however, they have revealed that the clones are being paid little more than room and board.
NBC’s daily schedule, after 6 hours of The Today Show, will include a new soap featuring one set of clones and a reality show, which will go into the clone house, where viewers can see the three sets of clones interacting with each other in the same living environment.
According to a network spokesperson, the company literally owns the clones. The clones are protected in the clone house, and provided with all the means for survival, without actually being allowed to leave.
Insiders say that the network is employing hypnotists to keep the clones believing they are well-paid morning show stars, and to keep them from remembering their original people had children and families and homes. It is unclear what story the hypnotists are telling them regarding the 2 other people who in their house that look and act identically to each other.
While this proposal will fill all of NBC’s daily programming slots, the network is going to stick with their announced prime time schedule for the moment. This is to give the Jay Leno clone a bit longer to mature to the correct age, at which point, the Tonight Show will run immediately after then Today Show ends. These proposals, once the initial cost of the clones are factored out, will save the network billions of dollars, making it profitable, even if they only have a few thousand viewers.
Well, the idea made me laugh out loud, to myself, in the restaurant today. I got looks and everything. I hope you enjoyed it, but, managed to avoid those looks, because, wow, awkward.
exigent / ex – eh – GENT / exacting, demanding, pressing