The weather, which is supposed to bring snow to Denver tonight and tomorrow, has inspired today’s story. My only concern is that it’s not really a story, but, more like a one-liner on steroids. And, if it is nothing more than a one-liner with a hyper-active thyroid, will it feel like a non-Betty white SNL sketch that was allowed to go on far too long?
I’m going to take my chances.
The difficult economic situation has let to cut backs in many areas of public life. City governments are cutting services, programs and projects. The deficits in budgets have led to drastic actions, with the latest cuts being levied at the fundamental workings of the planet. This time, the cuts are deep and personal. The season of spring has been cut due to its high cost.
The world can no longer shoulder the high cost of a season which brings violent weather to much of the mid-west, in the form of tornadoes and severe thunderstorms with the danger of flash floods, hail and strong winds.
“Owing to the high cost of dealing with the damage caused by hail, tornadoes and flooding, we can no longer afford Spring. People are just going to have to learn to go straight from Winter to Summer,” noted Jack Ventnor. “The only people who could possibly object to this are simply stricken with misoneism, and those sorts of people were probably against running water and electric lights. It will take some adjustments, but I think most people will feel very grateful for the change. After all, seasonal allergies will be minimized, and many areas will benefit from an extended tourist seasons, which will help re-fill city coffers. It’s a win-win.”
Critics of the plan are arguing that the loss of Spring is like the loss of hope itself. “Spring is the time of renewal and rebirth. It is the transition from the dark coldof winter to the heat of summer, and it gives plants a chance to go through their full growth cycle. without spring, we don’t really have much of a shot of a good harvest. This is the most short-sighted plan I’ve ever heard of.”
Others were simply confused about the plan. “How, exactly do they plan to ‘get rid of ‘ spring? Do they have some switch that changes the Earth’s distance from the sun? And, what gives them the right to deprive the Southern Hemisphere of Fall, unless that’s being cut, too. What a stupid idea. It’s even stupider than changing the daylight savings change-over date to earlier in the year as a way to save money.”
Well, at least it was short.
misoneism / miss – OH – knee – ism / a hatred, fear or intolerance of innovation or change