Super Robot Bowl

ASIMO is a humanoid robot created by Honda. Standing at 130 centimeters and weighing 54 kilograms, the robot resembles a small astronaut wearing a backpack and can walk on two feet in a manner resembling human locomotion at up to 6 km/h. ASIMO was created at Honda's Research & Development Wako Fundamental Technical Research Center. Taken by Gnsin at Expo 2005, in JapanI dreamed last night that the Seahawks had won the Super Bowl by summoning an entire squad of giant robots. Not only were they 12-foot tall and exceptionally agile, they could teleport. As they ran around the field, ostensibly doing “warm-ups,” the coaches and players for the Broncos were lodging formal complaints about their eligibility and having too many entities on their roster. Several times could Coach Fox be heard saying that if he’d known it was possible to have giant teleporting robots on his team, he’d have brought some of his own, never mind that he obviously had no idea where to find any.

The technique used to bring forth the giants was clearly routine to the Seattle coaching staff, and while no one seemed surprised by the appearance of dozens of huge, metal, man-shaped automatons, there were indications that everyone was simply “playing it cool,” for the audience.

In my dream, they never actually settled the argument of eligibility or of whether the robots would be allowed to play, but, the robots were there for the whole game, and their mere existence was so intimidating and overwhelmingly unfair, that they were responsible for the Broncos losing.

The worst part about these ridiculously-adept-football-playing robots was that the Seahawks quickly realized they didn’t need them, so the robots sat on the bench and moped for the whole game.

On the whole, the metal men were pretty glum on the sidelines. There was one exception. Somehow this model looked cheerful, and had found a vendor’s shoulder rig stuffed with pamphlets and tracts. It kept trying to hand them out on the sidelines. They had titles like “Embracing your Inner Robot” and “Robots are People, Too.”

This was clearly the most gregarious of the robots, and it kept a dialog going throughout the game that was much more entertaining than what was happening on the field. The bits that were played for the home viewing audience were bits about how he’d floated from one robot football league to another, because of its dangerous political views on robot rights. It claimed that no team really wanted it, even though, everyone would admit, it did have some useful skills beyond the standard large size and teleporting package.

From the number of times this sequence of images passed through my brain overnight, I could tell that it was something that was important to my unconscious brain to work on, and yet, it offered me no clear indication of why the game was more important to my sleeping self than it was to my conscious self.  I decided that putting it in writing, and sharing it with a city of mournful Broncos fans might bring me closer to a resolution.

At this moment, I suspect it has something to do with the ability to teleport. Or maybe I just have some deep concerns about robot rights.