Sometimes, I can really identify with the old woman who lives in a shoe. I can’t imagine living in a shoe, though. Wait a minute. It might have potential as a tourist attraction.  That’s an interesting idea. Oh no. Not another one.

Can I get a Tax Deduction for my Brain Babies?

I have begun to suspect that my maternal instinct, without biological offspring to nurture, has been cultivating the only children I have – my ideas.

I am constantly birthing “Brain Babies,” beautiful, wondrous, terrific notions that demand I give them my full attention. They cry if I try to put them down, they demand I feed them and they all want changing at the same time.

And I love every one of them. They’re all my precious ideas, and I want to share them with everyone. I want to show pictures and tell stories how this idea just started school, and how another got an award. I take pride in raising them, getting them to the moment when they are fully-formed, and ready to take their place in the world.

The only problem is that I have so many of them. They’re all special and charming and adorable, and I can’t let them go, and look! There’s another one right there!

I have so many ideas that turn into projects, and then I have too many projects, and I’m stuck trying to figure out how I’m going to feed all these offspring. There’s so many hungry little thoughts running around that next to me, the Octomom looks downright barren.

While I don’t have to try and figure out how to feed all of these babies with actual food, they do make demands on my time and budget. It’s really hard to be a single mother, especially in this economy.

I have thought about putting some of these little cuties up for adoption, but, I just become wracked with guilt. That little one chose me to be his mommy! I can’t let him down! And, that pretty idea over there, she had such good manners and the cutest dimples! She was the one that could’ve made me a fortune working from home!

Many of these ideas charm me with promises of dollars and fame, or they just tell me that they are so clever that people will want to be my friend just because of how clever my little idea is. They forget to mention there’s a ton of work under their sweet promises. They like to keep the long hours hidden. They don’t mention that even if you put in the work, there’s little to no guarantee of money, fame or friendship.

And these babies never go to school. They don’t take naps. They don’t start doing anything on their own, and are perpetually helpless, demanding I do everything for them. They never get jobs of their own, and they never move out.  The worst part is that they will never take care of me in my old age.

Maybe I can figure out how to get some sort of “intellectual property dependent” tax break. I’m sure I saw something about that in my tax software. It might be too suspicious if I claim all of them this year, though. I’ll limit it to 11 dependents to be on the safe side…