Why We Need to Assemble the Vacation Force

Independence Day has come again, and this year, Coloradoans are thinking more about fireworks of a different sort.  The ongoing challenges of multiple fires has meant loss and tragedy for many. To the firefighters who are working in extreme conditions to preserve lives and property, “thank you” seems to fall far short of our gratitude, but, it’s a good place to start.

Fireworks, courtesy of Free Photo Bank

Fireworks, Courtesy of Free Photo Bank

Why We Need to Assemble the Vacation Force

This week we celebrate the birth of our fine nation, and this year is one of those that illustrate exactly how little consideration our forefathers had for our long-weekend needs.

Sure, commemorating the actual date of the event is all well and good, but, it’s kind of a cruel joke to go to work for two days, get a day off for late-night frivolity, and then drag our sorry selves back to work for another two days? Yes, it beats going to work, but it would be much better to have built in some sort of federal regulation that states, “Should Independence Day fall on days prior to and including Wednesday, the holiday will include all business days preceding July 4th. Should the holiday fall on Thursday or Friday, the celebration shall include all dates prior to the weekend.”

In this fashion, the holiday heretofore only celebrated on July 4th will be not shorter than three days, and up to a delightful five-day weekend. This is how a world power shouldcelebrate.

It seems ridiculous that we should be forced to contain our festivities to a single day. Shouldn’t American excess have gotten us something useful?

I know, I shouldn’t complain. There are starving children in Africa who have to work on July 4th.  Hunger doesn’t take a vacation.

I’m whining about a decidedly First World problem, and yet, don’t we want to inspire the other worlds to adopt our ideals? Wouldn’t having a five-day weekend go a long way to instilling the American Dream into the hearts and minds of every person in a polyester uniform who has to work over the Fourth of July Holiday anyway?

On second thought, maybe we shouldn’t tell them. I don’t think it will bestow hopeful aspirations, and I am not a fan of burgers with that extra-special disgruntled food service worker “sauce.”

Maybe Independence Day can join forces with the other non-compliant holidays, and they can form a super hero team like the Avengers, and fight the forces trying to keep us away from the long weekends we deserve. We’ll call them the Vacation Force or the Justice League (yeah, I know that one’s taken, but, let’s face it, non-weekend contiguous holidays are clearly an injustice), or the Weekenders. The Vacation Force will be the powerhouse dream team of Christmas and Thanksgiving, Halloween and New Year’s. Independence Day will round out the team with the special persuasive force of explosives.

The Vacation Force will win the day with their ability to induce powerful waves of nostalgia and sentiment that will crush even the most cynical Scrooges. They’ll tear away the resistance of hardened humbuggery and win us our freedom. Clearly, the time has come.

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