Word of the Day: peculation

Today there are two important anniversaries. First, and this is sorta an obscure one, today is the anniversary of the formation of the US Postal Service, which happened on this date in 1775. Ben Franklin was the first Postmaster General. As a collector of stamps, and a huge fan of Ben Franklin, well, I had to at least mention it.

Second, and more relevant to the story, once you get to it, is that today is the twentieth anniversary of the ADA.

Today’s Word:


As in:

With the anniversary of the passage of the Americans with Disabilities Act, there has been much discussion about furthering the important gains made for disabled Americans by introducing the Americans with No Abilities Act.

“This is not only an important piece of legislation for non-abled Americans, it’s a jobs bill, which is an important part of this country’s economic recovery. Putting the non-abled into jobs will really stimulate the economy,” noted the chief lobbyist for the ANAA, Ned Kotler, a  worthless, talentless hack of a former salesman.

“In addition,” he continued. “We usually expect the non-abled to spend all the money they get, and there are plenty of opportunities for abled-Americans to engage in something called ‘peculation,’ which will spread the dollars into the economy very efficiently. Or so they tell me.”

The ANAA allows for the employment of one person with no ability
whatsoever for every two skilled workers that are hired.

“Think of it as a buy three, get two special. Actually, the math works out to be more like buy three, get one and a half since you’ll have to have someone ‘clean-up’ any task assigned to the non-abled worker. It’s better just to assign the non-abled worker nothing to do. Then you keep the net gain of two workers.”

Those crafting the act say it will affect about 135 million Americans, 0r approximately 50.0% of the American population. These are people who, through no fault of their own, simply lack the talent and skills necessary to make their lives anything more than a futile, meaningless, hamster-wheel, paper counting, travesty of the human condition.

“The best part of the ANAA,” noted Kotler, “is that many of these people are already employed. These are the fortunate non-abled who have managed to rise above their condition and appear to be relatively normal. Given that the national unemployment rate is hovering around 10%, and the ANAA considers 50% of all Americans to be non-abled, this should have every worker willing to collect a paycheck, some sort of job.”

This is an old idea that I re-worked for today. It’s more than 85% new. See? I’m being green. If recycling plots and ideas was good enough for Shakespeare, it’s good enough for me.

peculation: / PECK-you-lay-shun / embezzlement.