It’s Friday! At least I hope it is. This has largely been a very good week, as you’re reading this days after I wrote it, which means I got ahead. I’m very happy about that.
“Welcome back to ‘Banquets for the Busy.’ Today we’re going to focus on ‘Banquet Birthdays.’ When someone in your life is celebrating another twirl around the sun, what better way to commemorate the event then with a gathering of good friends and good food! Hosting a banquet is a wonderful way to take a break from your busy life! Of course, if your life is busy, how do you get something together so you *can* take a break, right?”
“Well, if you are like my roommate Anthony, you just get me to do it! And you don’t even ask if I’m busy! You just expect me to dro peverything and do it! But, you’re not like him, are you?”
“Let’s see. First, I’m going to show you a bunch of fantastic recipes that you can make-ahead, freeze, and which really re-heat well, in time for your event. These are terrific time savers. Unless, of course, Anthony is your using the oven when you want to have people over. Naturally, he doesn’t use the oven to cook food. Oh, no. He uses it to store his weapons and drugs for trafficking. Like the oven is a place his chef roommate wouldn’t discover.”
“Then, we’ll learn some fantastic ways to save time with pre-prepped produce and how to create some exciting party favors. You can save time and not sacrifice any quality, which is especially important is your roommate decides to crash your party and bring two or three of his pals over before they fo to ‘ice’ some guy who didn’t pay his gambling debts. Don’t worry, members of organized crime syndicates appreciate the extra effort involved in feeding unexpected guests, and will gladly offer you some lightly stained cash for your efforts. Be sure to have it laundered. Literally laundered.”
“You know, those criminal types might even be more appreciative of your efforts than the people who share your home. He takes advantage of my eremophobia, he knows I can’t be alone. He cares more about his victims than the work you put into making his day special.”
“Where was I? Right. Freezing things ahead of time and using pre-prepped produce. Another time saver is to make your sauces and glazes in advance, and store them in airtight jars in the fridge. If, as is normal on the days leading up to a party, the fridge is full, you can use a cooler for secondary storage. That is, if Anthony hasn’t taken it to hide the body until he can dump it. Then you might find a nasty surprised and never want to use that cooler again. You would hope he would’ve learned from the last time he did that, and you asked him nicely never to do that again, and then bought a nice new cooler that was bigger.”
“Oh my! We’re out of time! How *did* that happen. Goodness. Well, next time, we’ll learn about those great freezer tips. Good night, and good banqueting.”
I’m pretty sure I would watch this show. I wonder what antics Anthony will be getting himself into next time. Silly Anthony.
eremophobia / ear – eh – mo -fohb – e – a / fear of being alone.