I was home sick today, which was not my favorite thing ever. After I got out of bed, I dug into the ancient and not-as-vast-as-I’d-like archive to bring you this story.
It has been a decade since George Lucas made a surprising revelation, that he no longer intends to make nine Star Wars movies, but will stop at six.
This statement, which has incited thousands of Star Wars fans to riot in key cities, is being blamed for much more than mass hysteria.
Many claim that leaving the series only two-thirds completed will cause a huge rip in the space-time continuum, opening up a gateway between times, places and multi-space dimensions. These claim that the rip will cause massive chaos and will usher in the end of the world in the year 2013.
To avert this disaster, many writers are attempting to craft the final three installments of the saga. Some of the best known and well-respected science fiction writers have been assembled to discuss the fate of the heroes of the Star Wars universe, and, simultaneously, the universe itself.
One of the early drafts, which puts the Star Wars characters in a situation similar to the one faced by the people of the Earth, C3-PO and R2D2 are afflicted with problems associated with the year 10,000 problem of the G.C.E. (Galactic Common Era). During this time of uncertainty, the remnants of the evil Empire, starts to regain some of its strength by selling Y10K insurance and assorted overpriced gift packages, cookies, candies and gift wrap. The proceeds from these businesses have gone towards the building a third Death Star in secret, since, well they didn’t know what else to do.
To prevent the Death Star from being built, the Star Wars heroes travel back in time, find themselves in a place with distinct parallels to 1960s Earth, save some whales and John F. Kennedy, and come back to their own galaxy of the future to find a kinder, gentle Empire. The Empire of this alternate future, having learned the folly of building Death Stars, especially ones with a single really fatal flaw, is a dumb idea, is spending its resources improving the capabilities of its Stormtroopers to teach them how to shoot accurately.
Gorge Lucas’ floccinaucinihilipilification of the project has left many of the writers discouraged, but plan to bravely continue with their project.
Maybe I should start writing Episode VII myself.
To you doubters out there, “floccinaucinihilipilification” is a word, and is the longest unchallenged, nontechnical word in the English language. The nice thing about floccinaucinihilipilification, is that it actually has a useful and usable meaning. It is also not cheating, that is, it’s not made up of a bunch of prefixes and suffixes just to make it longer.
floccinaucinihilipilification: / flox – SUH – naw – SUH – naw – hil – UH – pil – UH – fi – cay – SHUN / the estimation of something as valueless.