I have been living in something of a fog, and my brain hasn’t been working so well lately. It’s like the hamster in my brain-wheel has gotten a gimpy paw, which it forgets about, until it gets going at full speed, and the paw gives out, and it sorta crashes. Yeah. Like that.
This is a story that has nothing to do with a weird law. Well, actually… maybe I ought to let you be the judge.
Best-selling author James Patterson was arrested today for his brutal killings of over 100 innocent victims, many of them children.
Authorities say that the details of Patterson’s reign of terror have all been documented in his books, which are the only evidence being used to hold Patterson.
“The depravity of each of these murders is beyond even the worst of the serial killers recorded,” Noted FBI Agent Kyle Craig. “Some books the death count is more than three dozen. It’s appalling that he has been allowed to run free for more than a decade, making millions of dollars from his crimes. He must be stopped.”
Patterson, 63, continues to plead innocence, and insists that all of the deaths described in his books are fictional. He claims that none of the people he describes in his books are real, and that no crimes have been committed, except fictional crimes. He claims that he only “makes everything up” but that that is all part of his auctorial profession, which he says is “a legitimate enterprise, long held to be an honorable way to earn a living.”
Several people are skeptical of the man’s claims. “This man is saying that he lies for a living. That’s his job. Well, it seems to me he’s got a hobby of lying, too. He’s just trying to get out of trouble, escape suspicion, and go back to raking in the case with his ‘stories.’ It’s the perfect cover, really.”
Other people say that Patterson’s true crimes are much more sinister than murdering scores of fictional people, and insist that the true victims here are the English language, and the people who buy his books.
I’d not read anything by James Patterson until recently, and I’ve not been particularly impressed. Maybe I am jaded. Maybe I’m just jealous. Who knows?
And, yes, astute readers might have noticed that the FBI agent in charge of the arrest is named after the reoccurring FBI agent character in the Alex Cross novels. It amused me.
auctorial / auk – TOR – ee – all / of or relating to an author.