It is towel day, and I spent most of the day far away from such things, which means my hoopiness* is going to never achieve froodhood*. Tuesdays. I could never get the hang of Tuesdays. Or maybe, it’s just my sanity is more than a little suspect. Or all of the above.
So, the intro went well, don’t you think? I picked out a word. I just wish I had something to go with it.
If you’ve ever parked your car in a parking lot, the following story will be disturbing. It is meant as a warning, and this publication will not be held responsible for phobias or neurosis which may develop as a result of this story.
Drivers around the country have begun reporting mysterious evidence of sabotage appearing in and around their vehicles, after leaving them for long periods in parking lots or garages. The evidence includes trash left within the vehicle, bearing no resemblance to trash left by the owner, headlights left on, depleting the battery, and doors, trunks and hoods left slightly ajar.
As the number of incidents has grown, security cameras have been tasked to discover whether the problem is due to a bunch of mischievous pranksters, or is simply a matter of driver absentmindedness.
Unfortunately, the surveillance reveals something far more sinister than either of these scenarios.
The cameras have captured a race of heretofore unknown creatures, gremlins that can access vehicles with small hand tools. The creatures exhibit deft skills with slim jims and wires, leaving no trace of their tampering. They are less than one foot tall, and have long arms and fingers. The creatures break into cars in groups of 4-8, and tinker with the buttons and settings, then, with a preternatural sense of when the owner of the vehicle will be returning, they set most of the car back to the state they had found it, and sneak out of the car before they are spotted. The creatures seem to sense the exact moment when human eyes might spy them, and they hide instantly, which likely explains their ability to have stayed unnoticed by humans.
While the creatures look lepid, with their small, child-like features, they clearly have the skill to do damage to cars, and their true motives are unclear. Viewing the creatures on the tapes, the investigators have felt that the gremlins knew they were being recorded, and they exuded an undercurrent of malevolence, hinting that they could do anything they wanted to any vehicle, and they didn’t care that humans knew. The attitude of arrogance seemed to be a challenge to the humans, and seemed to say “go ahead and try to stop us. You’ll never succeed.”
It is unclear why the creatures have taken to “joy-sitting” in cars, or why they occasionally leave trash in the cars, or headlights turned on, but, as research continues to be gathered, it appears that these creatures are accessing thousands of cars every single day. The creatures have not been witnessed by any human, and many say the video evidence has been faked. It rrmains to be seen if the car gremlins will ever be proven to exist.
Well, Tuesday is now behind us. Wednesday is here, and the clock is ticking. Always ticking.
lepid / lep – ID / charming, amiable
*If you are confused by hoopy or frood, well, I’ll let you off the hook. In The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, hoopy is defined as “a really together guy,” and a frood is defined as “a really amazingly together guy.” Of course, I sorta fail at “guy.”