Today is one of those exceptionally geeky holidays, May 4, Star Wars Day. Which can only mean that the story you are about to read probably draws its inspiration from the Force.
George Lucas announced today that he plans to create a special, special edition of all six Star Wars movies, this time using CGI robots, or “droids” in place of all the actors.
“This is *really,* *really,* the movie I wanted to make in 1977. These robots, not being real people, are much easier to direct. They have no pesky emotions, they do exactly as they are told, and they can turn into cool other creatures and ships and stuff. It’s like General Grievous, you know, and they can have built-in blasters in their hands,” noted Lucas.
Some favorite characters, such as Yoda and jar-Jar Binks, will not be changed into robots, however, they will be (or remain) completely computer generated. Characters that started as droids will remain droids, but, also be computer generated.
Lucas plans to use the the original dialog tracks from the movies to match his new robot cast’s motions. “I don’t think it will be necessary to make any changes to the droid’s features to make the dialog work. People know these movies well enough that the vocal performances alone should invoke the original performances such that no one will notice the characters are no longer people. Likely, they’ll just see the improvements, and not even question how Han Solo turns into the Millenium Falcon,” insisted Lucas in a taped interview from Skywalker Ranch.
The re-formatted films will also be in 3D, which has been a goal of Lucas’ since 2005, when he demonstrated technology that would make it possible to adapt the films to the new format.
Fans are expressing a great deal of displeasure at the whole project. They feel that this time, “Lucas has *actually,* really and truly gone too far. Han Solo a droid? It’s an abomination. How many times will Lucas violate his own creations just to milk them for more money? This is an outrage. I can’t believe his gulosity. It’s insatiable. All he wants is our money.”
Despite the outrage, it is expected that fans will still buy tickets, if for no other reason than to vilify the new version. They are expected to pay the premium price for 3D showings, purchase the early DVD edition without extra features, and pay again for the fully-featured DVD set with twelve bonus disks of extra features.
It took me longer to write this than it normally does. I think my fingers were rebelling at having any part of such an idea.
gulosity / gyou – LA – sit – ee / greediness, esp. excessive appetite, gluttony