This story came out of a discussion I had with my sister Carah this weekend. I didn’t know it was going to go anywhere until I remembered it was an El Nino year, which means the weather is all wonkier than normal.
Scientists are baffled by the newest weather phenomena attributed to the El Nino weather pattern. Literally translated as “little boy,” due to the fact that the current tends to appear around Christmas time, the El Nino effect seems to be linked, in more than name, to a very bizarre and disturbing rain seen in a few places around North America in the last few weeks.
This rain, where fully grown men have been observed falling to the ground from high in the atmosphere, has made literal the lyrics to the hit song “It’s Raining Men” by The Weather Girls.
Scientists skilled in sarcology have determined that the men matured to adult size in a matter of minutes, rather like hail stones growing in size as they are suspended in the air until they become have enough to fall to the ground. In this case, the “men” started as little boys from someplace high in the atmosphere, and floated along, gaining layers and growing to the size of small adults before plummeting.
While the extent of the damage upon impact was severe, investigators are certain that the men, if they were ever actually alive, were killed long before they met the ground and experienced the resulting horrific soft tissue damage.
“Actually, the ‘good’ news is that the first layer of male-like corpses suffered the greatest damage, but, once the ground was covered, the later arrivals suffered less damage. The first layer acted like a cushion, and gave us the opportunity to get much better insight on the phenomena as a whole,” said forensic specialist Kimball Gates. “From my preliminary samples, the brain tissue appears to be identical to very young humans, babies or very young boys. This is in direct conflict with the maturity of their bodies.”
Some researchers are not even attempting to interpret these findings. These skeptics are certain the whole thing is a hoax. “Full-grown men falling from the sky as a weather phenomena? Ludicrous. People just don’t materialize out of thin air, and even the smallest baby would’ve been heavy enough to fall to the ground. There is no way even a little boy could’ve stayed afloat in the atmosphere long enough to accumulate layers. It’s beyond absurd.” noted Dr. Leon Kentworthy.
Time to stop for the night. Sleep is good.
sarcology / SAR – col – o – gee / the study of the soft, fleshy parts of the body.