This has been a challenging week for me, and there have been times when I almost gave up, surrendered to the onslaught of this daily posting schedule. It was tempting to simply not post when I have been behind, staying up late, and getting up early writing nothing while I waited for ideas. It was tempting. But, we’re into the fourth month of the year, and despite a high number of close calls, I’ve made it. I’m feeling good about that, and I don’t want to disappoint myself, or you, my loyal readers.
So, give yourselves a pat on the back for me. we’ve gotten this far, and we’re going to keep it up.
An eccentric mortician, tired of horrifying traffic accidents caused by drunk drivers, is trying to tried to prevent people from over-indulging in the products of the evil science of zymurgy. His plan, sheer elegance in its simplicity, is to sober drivers up with the offer of free cremation to those whose indulgences led them to a tragic end.
The mortician, who many think of as something of a kook, has had a number of unusual ways to promote his own peculiar ideas.
He is most known for his battles against a wide range of modern technological advances. He refers to the conveniences of the era as “devilish wizardry,” and avoids incorporating these “evil plots of Satan” in his house. These evil advancements include electricity, plumbing and windmills. According to him, these devices bring sin into people’s lives, the sins of sloth and vanity.
In his work as undertaker focuses, he is a practitioner of green burials, in which the deceased is not embalmed for burial, nor are they placed in ornate, expensive, and slow-to-decompose coffins. Instead, they are simply wrapped in a simple shroud, and allowed to decompose naturally, as people have decomposed since the world was new.
He operates his own hand-made crematorium, which he has nicknamed the “Pit of Eternal Fire,” in reference to his free cremation offer. He built it to “consume in Holy Flame the wickedness of the flesh” and “cleanse the community of the urge to any kind of excess, including addictions, phlegm, pounds, or wealth.”
Bonus points for people who recognized “sheer elegance in its simplicity.” To claim the points, you can send me note, twenties and fifties are fine, with one correct example of its usage, and your imaginary account will fill up with 100,000 imaginary and totally useless points. Void where prohibited. Notes non-refundable.
zymurgy \ ZI-mer-jee \ the branch of chemistry dealing with fermentation. Therefore, the products of zymurgy include alcohol. And yes, there really was a guy in Florida who offered free cremations to those people who died in drunk driving accidents during the holiday season many years ago.