I am not really ready for it to be Monday. While there were a few bright spots to the weekend, it had more than its fair share of frustration, and I didn’t get as much done as I had hoped. Of course, I say that almost every weekend, since I always tend to over-estimate how much I can reasonably expect to get done.
Today, Surgeon General Regina M. Benjamin called for drastic measures to fight obesity, going so far as to declare war on weight.
In making this declaration, Benjamin is preparing to launch a full-scale offensive to eradicate the condition of obesity first from our nation’s youth, and then from the entire population.
General Benjamin, tired of being a staid political appointee, has decided that the title “Surgeon General” should no longer belong to a peaceful, quiet and passive post, but should be one that is entitled to troops and equipment.
In this case, General Benjamin is requesting that the war be fought on two fronts. “First, I’d like to reinstate the draft, but the draftees will not be from those registered with their selected service. I want to draft obese children from the elementary schools. These kids will be subjected to a rigorous regimen of diet and exercise. They will be trained as soldiers in the war on fat, armed with education and discipline, to go back to their homes where they will wage war against their parents and teachers. They will bring with them the knowledge and skills teach the adults around them to shed their own excess pounds. It’s time to get serious about this problem, one which cannot be addressed without lasting, radical changes to our diet and our levels of activity.”
Says Benjamin, “I’m also fed up with all the other Generals thinking I’m not fit to command. Well, I’ll show them. When faced with the imbroglio of this national health problem that has only gotten worse decade after decade, I’m making a clear and decisive plan of action. In declaring war on obesity, I’m going to put a stop to this epidemic. I want people to know that the Surgeon General is more than a warning on a cigarette label. The Surgeon General needs to take an active role in combating the nation’s health problems, and that is what I intend to do.”
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I’m tempted to be drafted into the nation’s “fighting fatties.” I wonder if they’re going to be paid, and if so, well, it might e time to enlist.
imbroglio / em-BROHG-le-yo / an involved and confusing situation.