We have found ourselves at Friday Eve, and I’m running late yet again.
The Orange County Coroner’s office announced today that it will investigate the death of a man who was hit by a flying metal object at Disneyland earlier this week.
Police officials are suspicious of the death, the first at the park in a decade, because eyewitnesses claim that the metal did not come from a failed mooring, as park officials claim, but rather from a strange weapon, which witnesses insist was fired by none other than international symbol of goodwill, Mickey Mouse.
“Yeah, I saw him. That mouse isn’t fooling anybody anymore. He just shot that thing straight at him. Cold-blooded, it was. And none of the park’s security even bothered to stop him. They just let him go to his little mouse house.” reported a witness.
Presently, no one has offered a motive for Mickey to shoot anyone, though conspiracy theorists suggest that perhaps the shooter was acting as a hit mouse.
Some witness feel like the fact that no one stopped the shooter suggest that the park itself was complicit in the killing. “I heard him say something about how he felt this wasn’t really the ‘happiest place on Earth,’ and that he’d been to a number of happier places. Then I saw some guys in black suits with dark glasses and headsets speak follow near him, and then they said something into them. A few moments latter, the Mouse appeared.”
One investigator, a former employee of the park, commented on the case, and said, “This whole thing stinks. I’m looking at the biggest cover-up since the sex-change operation of Peter Kloe, better known as ‘Mystery Spice’ before his secret leaked and the rest of the group kicked him out of the band. I haven’t smelled anything this feculent since Walt’s freezer broke down, and every thing thawed out. Everything. Walt, Goofy, (and let me tell you, he smelled like a thawed dog…) even a weird experiment from the 1960s, which I think had to do with aliens. It was really ugly, let me tell you.”
There hasn’t been a death at Disneyland recently, so, don’t be worried if you haven’t heard about it, there’s no cover-up in progress. Well, not one that I know about. And no, there really was no ‘Mystery Spice’ in the Spice Girls. And, I dunno if Walt Disney really did have himself frozen. It’s one of those urban legend sorts of things, but it is kind creepy, and so I added it.
feculent: / FEK – yoo – lent / filthy, foul, esp having the nature of, or containing, feces. Not a very pleasant, word, I suppose, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.