Grand schemes are taking shape in the strange world of my mind. It’s moist and pink and gushy, with some drippy clocks and a guy holding a plate of American cheese slices. He also wears one on his head.
You don’t really want to go into the strange world of my mind. And now, I’m not so sure I do either.
At any rate, I thought I’d share this story with you tonight. Look for exciting new developments next week. You might not see them, but, looking for them will keep you out of trouble.
In New Mexico last week, a young man reported that he had discovered the truth about what he described as “the most terrifying and disturbing plot in the history of mankind.” The man, 32 year old Perry Coleman, made his announcement at the annual gathering of the Society Obsessed with Recognizing and Revealing alien Yearnings (SORRY).
Coleman, a software engineer from California, was presenting his findings from what he calls an “alien autopsy.” Coleman claims that he became curious about the mechanics and programming behind the Furby toys, and set out to “reverse engineer” them. But, as he cut into the device, he was quite surprised to find that the “toy” was not what it appeared to be.
“At first, it seemed like a normal stuffed toy. But then I came to this casing just inside the fur, and it turned out to be fleshy, and, when I cut into it, it well, it bled, or oozed or something. I grabbed my old anatomy lab book, and quickly realized that I had cut directly into the omasum. Then, the alien spoke to me. It told me of its race’s plan to take over the planet Earth. Not long after it told me of its plans, it died. That’s when I started to take pictures of the weird alien anatomy.”
Coleman concludes by saying that he has “autopsied many Furbies,” and that they “are all aliens, and are all preparing for the annihilation of the human race.”
Hasbro, the company that “makes” the Furby toys, was unavailable for comment.
Okay, I apologize for “SORRY.” It is reaching a bit much, even for me.
omasum / oh-MASS-um / the third of the four stomachs of a ruminant (i.e. a suborder of even- toed hoofed animals that chew their cud, and have 4-chambered stomachs. Sheep, camels, and deer fall into this category.).