I’ve had a very exhausting and weird end of the week. Yesterday, while in a pathetic state, my youngest sister asked me what she could to help. I jokingly replied, “You could write a Word of the Day,” She said “okay,” and wrote the following. I didn’t get it posted last night, but save it for today. My sister says it was inspired by the movie “Hot Lead and Cold Feet,” but, that isn’t the only inspiration, as you’ll see as you read…
Just when you thought your “Jon and Kate Plus 8″ fatigue couldn’t reach further depths, sources close to the couple announced that Jon Gosselin would be undergoing treatment in a psychiatric facility. This vaguely interesting development came after Jon made a most peculiar announcement. The reality show refugee stated in a recent poorly attended press conference: “I never wanted to leave Kate and the kids! All this was done by my evil twin brother! For the last several months, he has kept me locked in an abandoned house. This is all his fault!”
This bizarre statement came on the heels of legal action by Jon’s attorney, who has been working to stop filming for the highly rated reality show. Jon began the proceedings when he learned that TLC had decided to change the title of the show to “Kate Plus 8” and to reduce Jon’s role in the series. Many believe this is wild story is simply an act of desperation, and that Jon is again trying to avoid blame in the failure of his marriage.
“He simply can’t accept that he keeps making the situation worse for himself! Seriously, spending time with dozens of different younger women in compromising situations; refusing to even look for a job; blaming everything on Kate and her own personality flaws… An evil twin? That’s the oldest dodge in the book. He just wants back on the gravy train and he doesn’t want to have to take any blame.”
Friends of Kate Gosselin revealed that “Kate is very saddened by Jon’s extremely rapid mental decline. She is working with the courts to have Jon declared legally incompetent until he can learn to tell the truth and quit dating her doctors’ daughters. Kate is also looking forward to moving forward with “Kate Plus 8” once Jon is safely in a hospital that can keep him from being a danger to her and her children.” Others say that if you substituted “children” with “income,” you’d be closer to the real source of her “fears.”
Jon continues to insist that his hitherto unknown twin brother emerged from hiding in 2007, just after the first episodes of the show aired. Jon states that this twin started to demand money from Jon to keep himself “in cheese and crackers.”
This twin, who is small and whiny, (or, nearly identical to Jon) is called Eli, and he was raised in an orphanage. Eli had a difficult childhood, and, as a result, developed a severe form of misopedia.
Jon claims he grew weary of the emotional blackmail from his brother and tried to break off ties, at which time his brother kidnapped him and took his place in the Gosselin house. “He lost me my job, he started getting me in fights with Kate, and he made me look like a totally incompetent boob on national television! He must be stopped!”
One person commented that this ridiculous tale was probably just another ploy to keep the family in the news, and that this family has gotten addicted to seeing themselves on TV. Another remarked that “well, this was probably the same reason why they had sextuplets after having a set of twins in the first place.”
Type to you next week.
misopedia / mis – OH – pee – dee – ah / a severe dislike of children, esp one’s own