Some days, I think I’m out of my mind. Actually, that’s not entirely true. *Most* days, I think I’m out of my mind. But, sometimes you are the beneficiary of my peculiar brand of insanity. In some ways, this tale is inspired by real life events.
Just when you thought it was safe to go to the bathroom, they emerge from their diapause, stretching through the deep, moist earth into any crevasse that offers a modicum of purchase. They reach toward the light and sky, crowding each other in their desperate bids to reach their insidious goals.
Slowly, they creep into chinks in the system, exploiting any hole to a disastrous end. They seek their targets with singular focus, stealthily climbing into your most vulnerable areas. As they continue to grow ans spread, soon they have overtaken everything in their path. The center cannot hold, and the explosive results bring devastation that terrorizes the bravest of human kind.
Any flush can trigger the vile consequences. The seeping sewer sludge forces its way back into the room of its disposal, swelling into tubs and onto floors from that once sacred throne. Nothing can hold back that tide, it ruins all it touches, spreading liquid filth onto anything that might be unfortunate enough to be in its path.
Like horrible tentacles, the deep nutrient seekers of the plant kingdom kings sneak into our unsuspecting plumbing, crushing everything in their paths. The most dangerous of these land sharks, the toes of Great White Pines, hunt and slither all too near our nethers. The deep and tenacious roots of the Dutch Elm brings their own disease into the once solitary and peaceful realms of our restrooms. Arm yourselves against these intruders! Whether by chemical or mechanical means, these flora of fiasco must be stopped, and forced to retreat from our sacred spaces! Only you can prevent forest sires!
Too much? Probably. And, while my sewer has not erupted lately, well, I suspect it’s only a matter of time.
diapause / die – UH – paws / a period of physiologically enforced dormancy between periods of activity. Primarily, it is applied to insects, but, plants are not excluded. A shade of artistic license, and if you want to see mine, you can see <strikeout>the forgery</strikeout> it framed on my wall at home.