I was saddened by the news that Anne McCaffrey died yesterday. She was a great storyteller, and I am grateful for all the places her books took me, and all the things she did for science fiction and fantasy. Maybe one day I can tell one story that might come close to holding a spot in someone’s life that her stories hold in mine. Rest well.
If your mood could use some brightening (mine sure could), then hopefully, this will do the trick.
A lawsuit was filed today against the Red Bull company, maker of the energy beverages of the same name, alleging significant damages by Alec Brockton, a consumer who claims that the beverage caused him to grow large wings. The plaintiff alleges that the wings are a nuisance, as no one sells clothing that fits over wings, door ways are no longer wide enough to enter, and most seating, especially at theaters and on airplanes, is no longer adequate or comfortable.
The company, despite their long-standing advertising catch-phrase “Red Bull gives you wings,” is denying any responsibility for the plaintiff’s sudden wingspan. Said company spokeswoman Penelope Jost, “Millions around the world have been drinking this beverage for decades. None of them have *actual* wings. Besides, wings would be cool. I’d like wings. Who cares if you can ride in a plane? Just fly *yourself* there.”
The plaintiff, whose very literal wings have spawned controversy within the medical and biological fields, has said, “Sure, being able to fly is nice. But, that’s not the point. The point is that I didn’t ask for these wings. I didn’t drink Red Bull to get wings, and was neither wanting nor expecting to have to plan a whole new wardrobe, or suffer the heartbreak of spontaneous molting.”
While no one is disputing the fact that Brockton now has wings, proving that they are the fault of the Red Bull company is a daunting task indeed. To build a winning case against the company will take daedal arguments of exceptional cunning, and evidence of superior quality. In short, the argument cannot be expected to be won solely on interpreting the product’s slogan literally, though, it is likely to be offered as part of the evidence against the company.
It may not be a classic tale of dragons, or ships, or telepaths, but it’s a start.
daedal / DEE – dall / skillful or artistic, intricate 2. adorned with many things.