I had a very odd weekend, in which I got very little done, which put me very behind today. So, I am typing this as I’m thinking about what tomorrow’s story shall be, and hoping this works for…
A study by researchers in Britain found that more than 30% of teenage girls take up smoking in order to lose weight.
“This is a disturbing trend in habits of teenage girls. I am at loss to understand why this nepheligenous habit is thought to positively impact the
health of young women. I suspect this represents a new marketing campaign by tobacco companies,” said one researcher.
The researcher notes one particular e-mail advertisement which discusses their fool-proof weight-loss plan, which involves smoking three packs of cigarettes a day. It is unclear what the spammer gains by encouraging teenagers to smoke, however the return e-mail address was noted as being cammelsaresocool @ smokemail.com, and was registered to a tobacco farmer in Virginia.
While it is well known that nicotine is an appetite suppressant and works to increase the metabolism , which does result in weight loss, it is hard to effectively compare the two different health conditions, thereby choosing between health-related evils. The only side-effects to this weight loss solution would be the addiction to nicotine, lung disease and cancer.
While some people contend that most diets, with their focus on changing eating habits and doing exercise unfairly discriminate against the lazy who want to lose weight, but, don’t wish to put in any effort, most agree that these plans have greater long term benefits.
Other odd trends have been identified by researchers, including an upsurge in the numbers of people trying to quit smoking by eating glass, which, incidentally, also leads to weight loss, if the person survives.
Another group of people is attempting to exercise more by watching
television without their remote controls, which forces them to get up to make changes to the channel, or, up on the commercial breaks to turn down the volume.
Other activities that people have tried which seem contraindicated by the goals desired include a 15% increase in the number of people trying to prevent speeding by removing the brakes on their automobiles, a group of environmental activists trying to stop the depletion of the world’s forests by writing five page letters to a mailing list of ten million people on non-recycled paper, and a violent television show that advocates less violent television.
I agree. Diet plans do discriminate against the lazy, and it makes me pretty angry. Still, I really can’t be bothered to do anything about it.
nepheligenous / NEF-eel-eh-GEN-ous / producing clouds of smoke. From the Greek word for cloud.