As perfect as a paring of wine and cheese, is the pairing of this tale with yesterday’s tale. It’s a cheese-a-pa-looza…
Tempers flared at the 1st annual meeting of turophiles and dairy farmers which was held this week at the National Cheese Emporium. The conference members were more than put out given the fact that, despite its name, there was not one scrap of cheese to be found in the shop. Worse, the meeting was disrupted by a swarm of protesters from various anti-cheese factions. Among those factions were the lactose-intolerant, the intolerant of those who are lactose intolerant, the Haters of Mephitical Cheeses (who were fighting against the production of Limburger Cheese)and the Disciples of the First Church of Easy Cheese.
The First Church of Easy Cheese which was trying to force the turophiles to recognize Easy Cheese and other pasteurized processed cheese foods as true members of the cheese family. This unorthodox religious group, whose preferred Cheese of Ease, that which can be squirted from a can, was formed to honor the product they insist is a tool of enlightenment. According to the holy writ of the sect, the product is believed to induce prophesy and has hallucinatory properties when unhealthy quantities of the stuff is consumed in a short period of time.
Also present were members of the Inalienable Rights of Cheese Food, a powerful lobby. This group was asserting its manifesto, which insists that cheese food is and intelligent, independent organism. As an intelligent species, cheese food is deserving of the right to live as a free species, and should not be seen merely as the staple that one feeds to one’s cheese. Intelligent beings, they proclaim, should not be fodder for any species, much less an non-intelligent life-form.
I suppose most people aren’t aware that cheese was such a controversial subject, so I am glad to bring these issues to any who are unaware of the nuances of fermented curd.
mephitical / meh – FEH – tick – al / : stinking; noxious.