I’m not entirely sure what to make of the following story. It crept into my head, and now it’s creeping into yours. And, before you argue that today’s word is entirely too common for Word of the Day standards. You’re probably right. It just shows how smart you all are.
“Tina Karpinsky, reporting live from the capital, where a demonstration is underway. Pigs of many varieties are marching to protest what they call “spec-ial profiling.” With me is Mr. Babe, the group’s spokes-pig. Tell me, what are the chief complaints for you and your fellow pigs.”
“First of all, Tina, we’re NOT pigs, we’re Porcine-Americans. We resent the appaling treatment we’ve gotten over the centuries, which has reached a significant tipping point amongst my brethren in the last few months during this so-called “swine flu” epidemic. The virus is NOT swine-flu. It is the H1N1 influenza virus.”
“Many of our kind have been executed or unfairly imprisoned simply because they were of the porcine-persuasion. My uncle, Porky, was simply on his way to work last week, breaking no laws, when the cops stopped him and arrested him on suspicion of carrying weapons of mass infection. His only crime? Driving while porcine. The cops couldn’t prove he had any weapons of mass anything, but kept him overnight, convinced his speech impediment was an indicator of intoxication, even though he passed a breathalyzer test. You want to know the worst part? For breakfast, they served him PORK!”
“People need to know they have nothing to fear from us. We’re not the real menace. the FLU is. Wash your hands! stay home when you are sick! Get a flu shot, take care of yourselves, stop blaming us, and treating us like criminals!”
This all started with the idea of “spec-ial profiling,” which made me laugh when the phrase popped into my head. Then, the news piped in with a story on swine flu, and the rest is history. I’m going to try and go to bed now, as tomorrow morning is likely to involve driving through snow.
porcine / POUR – sign / of, or relating to swine.