Word of the Day: "lexiphanic"

Multiple deadlines have lead me to pull out this story. Hope you like it.

Today's Word:

lexiphanic

As in:

In the middle of the revolution, the down-trodden, powerless peasants were quickly finding the persons of prominence in their society and quickly dispatching them. This proved to be unfortunate for Max, who, despite his class standing which was equivalent to those of the "down-trodden", was unrepentantly lexiphanic.

As he walked home from work late one night, two more passionate members of the revolution stopped him and asked him what he was doing. When Max innocently replied, "I am, as is my custom, ambulating towards my domicile following the expiration of my daily labors." The two men, becoming suspicious of Max's political affiliations, and not comprehending the answer they were given, looked at each other. The biggest of the two then said simply: "Huh? What're you talking about?"

To which Max replied, "I am responding with a simple, yet sesquipedalian, expression, which is intended to suffice as the rejoinder to your infuriating query. I would appreciate greatly if you would withdraw and allow me to proceed."

The two men, convinced now that Max was a spy, and had insulted them by calling them sesquipedalians, no longer cared to talk with him, and merely decided to beat him. It made them feel much better.

**************************
lexiphanic / LEX-eh-fan-ik / given to the use of pretentious terminology. Sound familiar? Bonus points for those that remember sesquipedalian. If that's not you, well, look it up. It's good for you.

Word of the Day: "tralatitious"

Monday ate my lunch. I don't wish to speak of it. I will, however, tell you that the latest Ken Burns documentary on the National Parks is as good as the anything he has done, and almost as good as the Parks themselves. I'm really enjoying it, and feeling like a trip into the mountains for rest might be what I need.

This story is for my librarian pals out there, and also for Mr. Floyd, who pointed out that the week is Banned Books Week, which is the inspiration for the story accompanying...

Today's Word:

tralatitious

As in:

"Welcome to "Write Back," the show dedicated to writing and to books. Today, we have very special guests J. K. Rowling, creator of the Harry Potter series, and Mary Cheney, daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney, whose memoir "Now It's My Turn" describes her life as a lesbian in the home of the Vice President." Thank you for joining us today, ladies. Our topic, is banned books. Why are books banned? What can a writer or reader do about this problem? Ms. Rowling, your books have sometimes been banned due to concern that they promoted witchcraft and paganism. What advice do you have?"

"Well, certainly, I didn't have any idea that people would have the notion that my books were promoting any sort of dangerous notion. After all, when it comes right down to it, the most powerful force in my books was the power of love. Certainly, that's not usually a controversial topic."

"Ms. Cheney, thoughts on this topic?"

"Actually, I'd love some advice on how you go about getting a book banned. I think it would really help my sales. Any advice would be very helpful."

"Uh. Well, I think that is not really our focus today..."

"It really should be. I thought I had a good chance of being banned, because anytime the word "gay" comes up, or is even hinted at, parents try to ban it. Like that book "And Tango Makes Three," about the two male penguins that hatch and raise a baby penguin? Yeah. most challenged book of this year. And, that's just an example."

"Well, you know, Dumbledore's gay..."

"Like you need to increase book sales, Ms. 'I'm-so-rich-the-queen-is-jealous!' Shut-up. That doesn't count. Announcing after the series is over that he's gay hardly counts as having "gay" themes, and don't tell me that Hedwig is gay, or that you meant her to be some sort of warped tralatitious reference to, shall we say, a certain musical! It totally doesn't count!"

"Really? Did you ever think *your* little memoir didn't sell because NO ONE wanted to read it? I really don't think a banning's going to do it any good."

"Ladies, please. This is NOT "The View." Let's get back to the topic. Perhaps a caller. Yes, Jill, you're on..."

"Yes, thanks for taking my call. I'm a librarian, and it seems to me that Ms. Cheney has a point. No one raises a fuss about books unless someone tries to ban them. Then, everyone wants to check them out, to see what all the controversy's about. I think those people who ban books are dumb if they think banning does any good at keeping "dangerous" books out of kids' hands, since it seems to have the opposite effect. They'd probably do better to not even mention them, or, here's a novel idea, maybe they should read them and talk about them with their kids, and discuss the parts that concern them. I'd be much more interested in seeing *crappy* books banned. Any one have ideas on how we can stop really bad books from being printed?"

"Thanks, Jill for opening up that keg of worms. I think that's all the time we have for today. As always, we'll be "Write Back" at the same time tomorrow. I'd like to thank my guests, J.K. Rowling and Mary Cheney. Good night, and good writing."

************
This was harder to write than I thought it would be. Oh well. It's written now.

tralatitious /tra - la - TISH - us/ metaphorical.

Word of the Day: "protrusile"

This has been a challenging week, filled with car issues, exhaustion, a touch of sickness, and more stuff you probably don't want to know about, and which sound mostly hollow and lame, and contribute nothing except filling this introduction space. Skip this top part, won't you? Thanks.

Today's Word:

protrusile

As in:

A mother of an HIV-positive girl filed a complaint against the Girl Scouts of America for allegedly discriminating against her child because of the girl's HIV
status. The girl was originally invited to join her local Girl Scout troop, but,
when her mother revealed that the girl was carrying the virus, the girl was
"uninvited."

However, a spokesperson for the group insists that the girl was not "uninvited"
due to her infection, but rather because of her many protrusile appendages,
which the troop leader claimed were evidence that the girl was not human, and
was really either "one of those creatures like the one Will Smith delivered in
the movie Men in Black, or Cthulu itself."

The leader cites other evidence that the child was not human, including a
tendency to want to eat other Girl Scouts, a predilection for making loud
obnoxious noise whilst producing a sticky, smelly residue, and an "inhuman"
distaste for Thin Mint Girl Scout cookies.

*************
Actually, the girl was eventually accepted into the troop, but sources say the
leader is now missing. Okay. No, the leader isn't missing. The cookie
coordinator is. Ha! Type to you all later.

protrusile / pro-TROO-sil / adj. that which can be protruded or thrust out, as a
tentacle, or an elephant's trunk, etc.

Word of the Day: "nidificate"

It's Wednesday! You know what that means? That's right! Date night! I bet you're also expecting a story inspired by Ghost Hunters! Wrong! Instead, it's a trip into the wide world of dirt.

Today's Word:

nidificate

As in...

Adventures in Dirt

These short scenes are part of the upcoming film, "Adventures in Dirt" about the hopes, dreams and aspirations of that substance, known by some as soil, but known to vast majority of us English speakers, simply, and perhaps mistakenly, as dirt. Read on...

Scene 1: A construction lot. piles of dirt are everywhere. A conversation can be heard by those with extraordinary ears and an open mind willing to believe in the vocal ability of the organic and mineral laden material known as dirt.

"I never thought we'd make it! All my life I've crowded down, down, away from the light of the powerful sun, hidden from all eyes. Now, I'm the Dirt of the World! I've made it to the light, and I move many feet away from my original resting place! I am an explorer I am a world traveler, I am all that I had hoped I would be!"

Scene 12: A similar lot, but in a poor part of an urban landscape. Here the dirt lies in similar piles, but cannot escape its downtrodden existence. The best hope for the members of this dusty community is to escape by latching on to the impoverished children that come to play here, and from their homes, perhaps even better things. A muffled, grimy voice can be heard over the plaintiff music.

"If only I could leave the confines of this hole. I'm wasting my life here. I didn't chose to be born, and I certainly didn't chose to be born here. Stuck here by the color of my particles. 'Too much iron,' they say, or 'too much radiation.' Is this my fault?! Oh, if only I could nidificate like the birds. If only I could move of my own accord, then I would be worthy of the gift of thought!"

Scene 42: A cemetery. The grass is green, but there are also small piles of rich, dark soil here. The discussion is somber, but calm and respectful. "How peaceful it is to be part of the blessed folk that live in the cemetery. It is the best to hope for. Sometimes, I dream that I will get to rest on the wooden resting place of some great thinker, some famous person, and then, as they deteriorate, I can become one with their earthly vessel, and the matter that combined to form the organic compounds of their body, will mingle with my own, and I too can achieve transcendence. This is the true hope of my kind."

**********************

nidificate / NIDH - if - eh - kate / : to build a nest. Thought it had to do with flight, didn't you? Well, dirt wishes to be able to build a nest, a home of its own. It has no illusions of grandeur, and doesn't put false hope in the ability to fly. Not like us humans...

Word of the Day: "porcine"

I'm not entirely sure what to make of the following story. It crept into my head, and now it's creeping into yours. And, before you argue that today's word is entirely too common for Word of the Day standards. You're probably right. It just shows how smart you all are.

Today's Word:

porcine

As in:

"Tina Karpinsky, reporting live from the capital, where a demonstration is underway. Pigs of many varieties are marching to protest what they call "spec-ial profiling." With me is Mr. Babe, the group's spokes-pig. Tell me, what are the chief complaints for you and your fellow pigs."

"First of all, Tina, we're NOT pigs, we're Porcine-Americans. We resent the appaling treatment we've gotten over the centuries, which has reached a significant tipping point amongst my brethren in the last few months during this so-called "swine flu" epidemic. The virus is NOT swine-flu. It is the H1N1 influenza virus."

"Many of our kind have been executed or unfairly imprisoned simply because they were of the porcine-persuasion. My uncle, Porky, was simply on his way to work last week, breaking no laws, when the cops stopped him and arrested him on suspicion of carrying weapons of mass infection. His only crime? Driving while porcine. The cops couldn't prove he had any weapons of mass anything, but kept him overnight, convinced his speech impediment was an indicator of intoxication, even though he passed a breathalyzer test. You want to know the worst part? For breakfast, they served him PORK!"

"People need to know they have nothing to fear from us. We're not the real menace. the FLU is. Wash your hands! stay home when you are sick! Get a flu shot, take care of yourselves, stop blaming us, and treating us like criminals!"

************
This all started with the idea of "spec-ial profiling," which made me laugh when the phrase popped into my head. Then, the news piped in with a story on swine flu, and the rest is history. I'm going to try and go to bed now, as tomorrow morning is likely to involve driving through snow.

porcine / POUR - sign / of, or relating to swine.

Word of the Day: "lepusphobia"

I've been trying to catch up on a million other things, so, I'm treating you to the tribute I wrote for Buffy: The Vampire Slayer, one of the best shows to ever appear on television (if you're rolling your eyes, you probably never watched it. Even T.V.
Guide lists it as one of the top 50 shows ever.), I present to you…

Today's word:

lepusphobia

As in:

The Department of Homeland Security has been working to identify potential threats to the welfare of the country. In addition to fostering paranoia, invading privacy and redefining the status of individuals to facilitate lengthy incarcerations, the department is cracking down on potential threats previously deemed inconsequential.

The re-categorization of things previously deemed insignificant as threats to national security has noticeably increased the rates of phobias once regarded as obscure. Most curious is the reported increase in lepusphobia, which grew an astonishing 173%.

Dr. A. Overheiser, a noted behavior modification specialist with expertise in unusual phobias, has attributed this growth, in part, to the unusual intersection of what sufferers describe as the "current climate of fear" in conjunction with the changing perception that truly dangerous threats are disguised as the most humble and innocent of creatures. One patient, who identified herself as Christina Emanuella Jenkins, said "Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes."

While Dr. Overheiser is quick to point out that phobias are by definition "inexplicable, illogical and exaggerated fears," only a handful of lepusphobes were known to exist until a few years ago. "I am at a loss to explain why this particular phobia has seen such growth. It's quite mystifying."

Although Dr. Overheiser is uncertain of the origins of this fear, noted biology expert Daniel Osbourne further commented that "they might not look it, but bunnies can really take care of themselves."

* * * * * * *
I miss Buffy.

lepusphobia / LEP – uhs – FOEB – ee – ah / fear of rabbits, of course.

"Buffy: The Vampire Slayer" characters are TM and Copyright of Fox
and its related entities.

Word of the Day: "unasinous"

Today was a very strange day, and I admit to dragging a bit tonight. Remember that tomorrow is Talk Like a Pirate Day, and that pirates have eye patches and parrots. I'm clearly ranting. So, until next week, I'll simply leave you with...

Today's Word:

unasinous

As in:

While the Society for Preparation of Armageddon Caused by astronomical Events (SPACE) awaits Friday's planetary alignment, rival anti-technology society, Technology Is Mostly Evil (TIME), awaits an Armageddon of a different sort. The two groups, divided by their opposing views and opinions as to the manner of the Apocalypse, have perpetuated a near-violent state of conflict for many decades.

When SPACE announced that the planetary alignment to occur on Friday, May 6, 2000 was the prophesied end of the world, TIME disagreed. The end of the world, TIME says, is going to be Friday, September 18, 2009 at 11:42 PM, MDT. According to TIME, the signs will be building throughout the day, and at precisely 11:42 MDT, our technology dependent world will suffer a fatal collapse, and simply cease to be. TIME spokesperson, Lela Kotler, said that virulent e-mail virus attacks, an upsurge in celebrity deaths, the admission of guilt by a Denver-based terrorist, and discussion of a public health care option are some of the signs of the end of the technical world.

The conflict between SPACE and TIME has escalated over the past few decades. As the world became increasingly technologically advanced, the arguments put forth for SPACE became less credible, and proponents of TIME derided the organization for its "superstitious" ideas. As technology began to make increasing demands on people's lifestyles, TIME's membership rolls swelled.

But a third group, Nothing Unusual Tends to Succeed (NUTS), says that neither group is correct, and that the ideas presents by both groups are unasinous, and that, if the world ever did come to an end, it would simply be because of the expiration of the sun in a huge explosion.

**********************
When I first started typing this story, it sounded much more interesting. Of course, I was busy deleting the virus-laden e-mail which was filling my inbox. Anyway, hope to see you all at the end of the world...

unasinous / YOUN-ass-in-us / equally stupid.

Word of the Day:"xylophagous"

While it is new to this site, I got caught up in a bunch of things today, and didn't get a new story written, so, to some this is a re-run. It's a good one though, I think you'll enjoy...

Today's Word:

xylophagous

As in:

Everything was going well at the Mother Goose Reunion. Miss Muffett, Jack Spratt, and Little Jack Horner were setting the buffet with curds, whey, Christmas Pie, and low-fat hot cross buns. The guests had planned contests and games for all to enjoy, including candle-jumping, wall falling, and carving. No one even minded that Jack
Nimble, Humpty-Dumpty, and the Farmer's Wife always won.

And then the lovely afternoon was spoiled by the unexpected arrival of the black sheep of the Pumpkin-eater family. This was the brother no one ever talked about. No one acknowledged the evil, xylophagous Ralph. He was far worse than his brother Peter, even with Peter's domestic violence problems. Not only did Ralph live in a pine coffin, but he ate toothpicks, old false teeth, tent stakes, popsicle sticks, and park benches. Worst of all, his name was anathema to all present, as "Ralph" does not rhyme with any word in the English language. The unfortunately named Ralph was an outcast to his people.

**********************
Short and sweet.

xylophagous / zeye - LOF - ag - us / Feeding on or in wood.

Word of the Day: "curmurring"

Since last week's "Ghost Hunters" inspired tale was well received, my brain hatched another one, just in time for date night. Come with me as we take a look into the world of the paranormal, hearing the thoughts of the ghosts themselves.

Today's Word:

curmurring

As in:

Grant: We're not going to hurt you, we just want you to give us a sign that you're here.

What the Ghost is thinking: "Sure. Like you *could* hurt me. What part of "dead" do you NOT get?"

Jason: "I've got a flashlight here, maybe you could turn it off for me? That is if you are here? Come on, turn off the light!"

The Ghost thinks: "What am I, a trained seal? You're not the boss of me. Why would I want to touch your stupid light."

Grant: "Some people think you're a coward. Let's show them! Turn off that flashlight! Unless, of course, you're a chicken?"

Ghost: "Why those punks! They called me a... Hey! Wait a minute. They just want me to turn off that light. Not fooling me, bubba. Nope. I didn't die yesterday, you know."

(LATER)

Brian: "Como estas? Ghostie? Habla Español?"

Ghost: "That's Hilarious. They think the Brazilian ship captain is still here. Idiot. HE SPOKE PORTUGUESE you imbecile! And he wasn't sticking around this dump for eternity, I'll tell you that much. He had better things to do."

Steve: "I bet it gets lonely up here with no one to talk to. I'm here. I'll talk with you. Now's your chance."

Ghost: "Why would I want to talk to you? It's much more fun to rattle my chains when there aren't any cameras about. After all, the unsuspecting are vastly more amusing. I don't act on cue, silly mortal!"

Brian: "Hey! Did you hear that sound? that sorta rumbling sound? I think that might've come from over there."

Ghost: "That?! You thought THAT was some sort of paranormal sound? That could be no more or less than your own curmurring! Eat something you shouldn't have, did you? SOOOOOO glad I can't smell anymore. I feel bad for that other fellow..."

Grant: "Let's get the lights on and pack-up."

Ghost: "Wait! Don't leave! You guys were fun! The night is still young! Come back! Guys! Hey, I'll talk to you now! Guys!"

*****************************************

curmurring / cur - MUR - ing / the murmuring, low rumbling sound produced by the flatulence moving through the bowels... Yeah. I swerved a bit into the land of potty humor. Oh well.

Word of the Day: "diapause"

Some days, I think I'm out of my mind. Actually, that's not entirely true. *Most* days, I think I'm out of my mind. But, sometimes you are the beneficiary of my peculiar brand of insanity. In some ways, this tale is inspired by real life events.

Today's Word:

diapause

As in:

Just when you thought it was safe to go to the bathroom, they emerge from their diapause, stretching through the deep, moist earth into any crevasse that offers a modicum of purchase. They reach toward the light and sky, crowding each other in their desperate bids to reach their insidious goals.

Slowly, they creep into chinks in the system, exploiting any hole to a disastrous end. They seek their targets with singular focus, stealthily climbing into your most vulnerable areas. As they continue to grow ans spread, soon they have overtaken everything in their path. The center cannot hold, and the explosive results bring devastation that terrorizes the bravest of human kind.

Any flush can trigger the vile consequences. The seeping sewer sludge forces its way back into the room of its disposal, swelling into tubs and onto floors from that once sacred throne. Nothing can hold back that tide, it ruins all it touches, spreading liquid filth onto anything that might be unfortunate enough to be in its path.

Like horrible tentacles, the deep nutrient seekers of the plant kingdom kings sneak into our unsuspecting plumbing, crushing everything in their paths. The most dangerous of these land sharks, the toes of Great White Pines, hunt and slither all too near our nethers. The deep and tenacious roots of the Dutch Elm brings their own disease into the once solitary and peaceful realms of our restrooms. Arm yourselves against these intruders! Whether by chemical or mechanical means, these flora of fiasco must be stopped, and forced to retreat from our sacred spaces! Only you can prevent forest sires!

**************************

Too much? Probably. And, while my sewer has not erupted lately, well, I suspect it's only a matter of time.

diapause / die - UH - paws / a period of physiologically enforced dormancy between periods of activity. Primarily, it is applied to insects, but, plants are not excluded. A shade of artistic license, and if you want to see mine, you can see the forgery it framed on my wall at home.

Word of the Day: "furibund"

Today has been long. Mondays can be painful. I've got nothing to say as an introduction, except maybe, RIP Patrick Swayze. This year has sure been lethal for celebrities, hasn't it?

Today's Word:

furibund

As in:

Today on "Supernatural Solidarity," we take a look at the portrayal of vampires in the mundane world. Why the sudden upsurge of vampires in television and movies? Do these works of humankind accurately portray vampires? Are they a positive step towards a better future for vampiric kind? Do humans have a right to reveal a world they have only experienced in fiction? If you've got something to share, call us at 555-SUP-TALK. We have Justin on the line, go ahead.

Justin: Yeah, thanks for taking my call. As a vampire, I resent all these "defanged" vampires. I mean, honestly, it's sick. People! You are prey! WE eat you! Stop trying to pretend otherwise and stop showing your creepy fetishes! I am a heartless, cold-blooded killer, and I'm not going all schmoopy for some rosy-cheeked, toothless waif. I got news for you: YOU'RE FOOD! AND, FOR THE LAST TIME, I AM NOT SPARKLY!

Thank you, Justin! No need to get all furibund! Let's hear from Andrea. Go ahead, you're on Supernatural Solidarity!

Andrea: Hi! Long time listener, first time caller. Love the show. I think the portrayals of vampires in the media set unrealistic expectations for young vampire girls especially. Not all of us look like Mirian Baylock or even Darla. And certainly, not all Males look like Robert Pattinson. Self Esteem is important! They not only get the message that every vampire should like like human actresses, but, that all vampire guys want are human girls, and that's not at all true.

Interesting point, Andrea. Our next caller is Nathan. Take it away!

Nathan: Personally, I love that humans are telling tales of cuddly vampires. Makes them easier prey. They think I'm going to take them for a nice dinner and conversation, and that I'll be a perfect gentleman, and then... Whammo! Juicy, tasty human! The looks on their faces when they realize I'm eating them and not saying something inane? Priceless.

Ah, Nathan, you rogue! Next from Sandy. Hello, Sandy!

Sandy: I just called to say that I don't think humans and vampires were meant to coexist in any relationship other than predator/prey. Take the notion that synthetic blood might be widely available, and the world becomes aware of us. Does anyone feel like we'll turn into fluffy bunny rabbits? I can't go home to a my crypt without a nice victim for dinner. You can give us all the synthetic blood you'd like, but we'd rather hunt. I'm not the only one. The thrill of the kill is about more than blood, it's about family.

That's all the time we have today. Join us tomorrow, when we talk about the most offensive Halloween stereotypes. That's all for now from Supernatural Solidarity!

********************

furibund / FUR - eh - bund / Maniacal, frenzied, or rabid.

Word of the Day: "anamnesis"

I had a head filled with story ideas today for the first time in ages, and many of them will be coming soon. This one is decidedly odd. I suspect you all might find it a very strange choice indeed.

Today's Word:

anamnesis

As in:

Brighton J Josten is pursuing a highly unusual dream. Josten, 47, is a lifelong fan of the television show, "The Simpsons." His dream? To honor the fab five in an original, live-action stage production.

"There are millions of people out there who've never watched an episode of this brilliant comedy, for whatever reason. Some people have bought into the various controversies, and failed to see the show for what it truly is. I want to present the show without the controversy, and maybe grow the show's audience."

Josten, however, has run into controversy of his own.

"Most fans think a live-action Simpsons is something akin to a sacrilege. They say without the animation and, most importantly, the voice talent, I'm wasting my time. Since I'm reaching out to people who've never seen the show, I won't be fighting any residual anamnesis. These people will have no knowledge of what the voices *should* sound like. They'll also have no experience of the more "cartoony" facets of the show, so, I can present things more "realistically."

Because of the copyright issues involved with using "The Simpsons," a property of Fox, Josten has called the project, "The Jostens," and is making the show a drama. Gone will be the trademark zingers, famous character quotes, and theme music. Josten insists the changes are "superficial," and that, at its core, "The Simpsons" has always been about the struggles of a middle-class American family, who, despite their imperfections, always stay together and love each other.

Josten begins the casting process next week. The actors who've seen portions of the script for audition purposes had no hints that the play was loosely based on the popular long-running television show. Said one actress trying for the part of Margaret Josten, the youngest Josten daughter, "I've got like 20 lines of dialog in the opening Act alone. This is nothing at all like "The Simpsons." It's really pretty heavy stuff, too. Like, wow. A complete downer. The father's a barely literate knuckle-dragger who beats his kids, especially his son. Somehow he's managed to remove all of his wife's self-esteem, so she never leaves him, and despite his incompetence and idiocy, he manages to keep his highly technical job? It's really messed-up. I just thought it was like avant-garde."

Other critics have emerged, "Seriously? This guy calls himself a fan of 'The Simpsons?' He's completely missing the point. Take away the animation, and the show is too brutal to be seen. It's like he's trying to link himself to the show to bring in audiences, or gain press, but, those who come expecting to see anything remotely *like* the show will not only be disappointed, they're likely to be traumatized."

****************
Not much more to say about that.

anamnesis / ann - am - NEE - sus/ the recalling of things past; recollection, reminiscence.

Word of the Day: "pareidolia"

This is starting to look like 2 for 2. Yay! This story was, in part, inspired by "date night" which is every Wednesday night at my house. On Wednesday night, my sisters and I sit in front of the TV and watch Ghost Hunters together, mocking it without mercy via instant message. This Wednesday happens to be 09/09/09, so, it seemed that pairing numerology with the paranormal is an obvious fit.

Today's Word:

pareidolia

As in:

Tonight on Ghost Hunters: The team is joined by the winner of our first ever viewer drawing, Andrew Kahler, as they investigate a former factory turned museum. Could it be that some workers never left? Then, Tango and Steve find themselves facing their worst fears in an ancient, abandoned hospital. That's all coming up on tonight's Ghost Hunters!

The Investigation
The Wyatt Factory, 9:09 PM Sept. 9, 2009

Andrew: Guys, this is *so* awesome to be here with you tonight! Man, I *love* the show. Do you remember that one time, when Grant's jacket was yanked? Man, that was *so* cool!

Grant: Yeah, Andrew, that was great. We should probably be paying attention to the investigation.

Andrew: Sure thing, boss. Hey! Do you guys see that face over there? Look! Oh, man!

Jason: I don't see anything, sorry. Grant?

Grant: Nope, I think that's just the light reflecting off the paint.

Andrew: But, look, it's got a nose, and part of a mouth, and that there could be an eye.

Grant (tilting his head): Um. Well, I guess if you're Picasso, maybe, but, really that's just a reflection.

Andrew: Seriously, guys, that's totally a face!

Jason: No. It's really not a face. It's nothing.

Andrew: Well, maybe the cameras caught something.

Grant: Sure. You can go over the evidence with Tango and Steve.

The Evidence:

Andrew: Guys! Look! Do you see that! Right there! It's an orb! It's moving, and it's red!

Steve: I'm pretty sure that's just a lens flare. Yeah. See, here?

Andrew: Woah! Look here! I found something! Look here. There's a face in the floor right here. It looks exactly like that dead kid they mentioned!

Tango: Nope. That's just the wood grain.

Steve: Look, we've got 20 hours of footage to go through, We can't stop every 2 seconds to look at something that looks vaguely like a face.

Andrew: Well, I'm going to make sure Grant and Jason take a look at these

Tango: Yeah. Whatever. Sure.

Grant: I agree with Steve and Tango, there's nothing here. I think, Andrew, you may have an extreme case of pareidolia. We've seen it before. You see it in those people who have found rutabagas looking like Jay Leno, or who see the face of the Virgin Mary in taco shells and...

Andrew: I saw that taco shell, and not only was the Virgin Mary clearly defined, but, on the other side was Christ and His disciples. Judas even had horns!

Grant: Yeah, right. Like I said. You might want to talk to someone about it. It'll probably make things easier for the people that you know...

*********************************

pareidolia / pair - EYE - doe - lee - ah / a type of illusion or misperception involving a vague stimulus which is perceived as clearly being something

Word of the Day: "plunderbund"

I've been thinking lately, and came to the conclusion that I'm fooling myself if I'm going to ever work on this again without a deadline. So, whether or not it's challenging, I'm going to do my best to get one of these out every weekday, and I'm going to tell the best stories I can. Surprise! Happy Tuesday!

Today's Word:

plunderbund

As in:

Millions of American parents were stunned today when nothing at all happened after President Obama addressed the nation's school children.

Not only were there zero reports of pestilent rains of amphibians across the nation, there were also no reports of livestock giving birth to winged, fire-breathing demons, nor any news of the dead rising to demand brains, much less bite the living.

During the broadcast, the life forces of the children were not sucked into the televisions to be transferred into the batteries of President Obama's death ray, which is presumed to be used on those people deemed likely to use expensive medical treatment under the President's proposed health plan.

After the broadcast, teachers reported that the children appeared to be unharmed by the broadcast, and "didn't seem to have turned into soulless, brainless, automatons," though one teacher admitted that "most of them didn't seem to pay that much attention to the presentation."

Despite the initial resistance some parents felt towards the program, most of the negative consequences never materialized. The only consequence that did appear was that students who did listen, learned something about gaining information "first-hand," and not distilled through the lenses of the media, which was a refreshing and enlightening experience for them.

Says Brian Kerns, a student at Thomas Jefferson Middle School, "Most every reporter I talked to seemed disappointed that nothing scandalous occurred. It's like they really wanted there to be a scandal or something sinister. I suspect the real plunderbund to be between the media, their advertisers, and various political powers. It's not about news or public good, it's about making money."

Other reporters declined to comment on this, however, more than one indicated that Brian Kerns is a known socialist, with a reputation for violence and a predilection for pornography.

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plunderbund / plun - DER - bund / A corrupt alliance of political, commercial, and financial interests engaged in exploiting the public.