I had originally planned to send out another story tonight, but, fate intervened, and brought me a present. It would be bad manners to refuse, so, I am sharing that gift with you.
Lightning struck the six-story sculpture of Jesus Christ known officially as the “King of Kings.” The sculpture, a familiar landmark in southwest Ohio, burned to the ground, leaving nothing but a blackened steel frame.
As is often the case when religious icons are struck down by forces of nature, many attempt to interpret the meaning of this tragedy. “God is trying to tell us something,” says Mitchell Kent, a local minister. “He is angry with us for creating a graven image of our Lord and Savior. We must repent! Clearly, we have committed grave acts of inconvenance.”
Kent, not associated with the Solid Rock Church that owns the statue, said “This is but the latest in a series of judgements from on High, telling us we must change our ways. The disaster in the Gulf and the economic crisis are caused by the grave sins of this land, of which the most disastrous was the election of Satan to the highest office in the land. God is angry that we have turned our backs on Him, and embraced a demon of Islam.”
One local resident, who describes herself as a Neo-Norse Pagan, said “Clearly, this demonstrates the superiority of Thor, the God of Thunder, over that ridiculous healing-feeding-people love-freak. This round goes to the mighty Thor!”
Others are more skeptical. “Maybe it just means that God is against tasteless, grandiose statuary. Did you ever *look* at that thing? Jesus had no legs. He was pretty much a torso drowning in quick sand. There’s a reason people referred to the statue as ‘Touchdown Jesus.’ I’m Christian, but, I find the statue an eyesore.”
Of course, some offer a more simple explanation of the melting of Butter Jesus. “It could simply be that it was a very tall structure with a skeleton of steel, and it attracted lightning.”
I think that’ll do for tonight, don’t you?
inconvenance / in – CON – vin – ants / impropriety