I’ve been thinking lately, and came to the conclusion that I’m fooling myself if I’m going to ever work on this again without a deadline. So, whether or not it’s challenging, I’m going to do my best to get one of these out every weekday, and I’m going to tell the best stories I can. Surprise! Happy Tuesday!
Millions of American parents were stunned today when nothing at all happened after President Obama addressed the nation’s school children.
Not only were there zero reports of pestilent rains of amphibians across the nation, there were also no reports of livestock giving birth to winged, fire-breathing demons, nor any news of the dead rising to demand brains, much less bite the living.
During the broadcast, the life forces of the children were not sucked into the televisions to be transferred into the batteries of President Obama’s death ray, which is presumed to be used on those people deemed likely to use expensive medical treatment under the President’s proposed health plan.
After the broadcast, teachers reported that the children appeared to be unharmed by the broadcast, and “didn’t seem to have turned into soulless, brainless, automatons,” though one teacher admitted that “most of them didn’t seem to pay that much attention to the presentation.”
Despite the initial resistance some parents felt towards the program, most of the negative consequences never materialized. The only consequence that did appear was that students who did listen, learned something about gaining information “first-hand,” and not distilled through the lenses of the media, which was a refreshing and enlightening experience for them.
Says Brian Kerns, a student at Thomas Jefferson Middle School, “Most every reporter I talked to seemed disappointed that nothing scandalous occurred. It’s like they really wanted there to be a scandal or something sinister. I suspect the real plunderbund to be between the media, their advertisers, and various political powers. It’s not about news or public good, it’s about making money.”
Other reporters declined to comment on this, however, more than one indicated that Brian Kerns is a known socialist, with a reputation for violence and a predilection for pornography.
plunderbund / plun – DER – bund / A corrupt alliance of political, commercial, and financial interests engaged in exploiting the public.